Ever since girls are little, they are constantly exposed to a world in movies and TV shows where everything is perfect. Princesses and princes, fairy tales and bedtime stories with “happily ever afters” that we reenacted with our Barbies as kids. I know this has been discussed before in movies like He’s Just Not That Into You and Love Actually, but have we actually figured out the difference between Cinderella and real life? Why can’t we have Cinderella’s love life? Or, can we? We are all still out there reading books like Twilight and subconsciously searching for our Edward Cullen or watching movies like The Notebook and wondering why our guy can’t just pick us up and twirl us around in the pouring rain while kissing us passionately. But why do people say it isn’t possible or that it’s not real life? We don’t want to just settle for a certain love life because we are told it can’t be prefect like the movies, but at the same time, don’t we deserve some kind of happily ever after? Do we have to draw a line between real life and our fairytale?
To be honest with you, I think it’s totally possible to have our happily ever afters. Am I saying that it is possible to have a prince come to your house, have you try on a shoe, and you both live happily ever after? Not exactly. But can you have a prince charming? Yes. One that sends you flowers, leaves you sweet notes, sweeps you off your feet, and carries you to bed at night? Absolutely – and I know you can because that’s exactly what I have. I know you are thinking, “Yea, right, okay.” But I’m serious. My husband is very much like the prince from a fairytale or Ryan Gosling from The Notebook. Did I find him just like that? Absolutely not. So how did it end up this way then? It’s actually very easy, I used three simple rules for my relationship and ended up finding, dating, and marrying the man from my fairytale.
The 3 rules to find the guy from your fairytale:
1. Understand that communication is the key to every successful relationship. It’s the GOLDEN key. It’s the key of all keys.
2. After you’ve realized #1, understand that no one can read your mind, not even your boyfriend or husband. This is so important. This is the very difference between prince charming in Cinderella and the prince charming from real life. All the princes in fairy tales just happen to know exactly what the girl wants, like they can read her mind. The princes in real life cannot, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t prince charming.
3. After you’ve realized #1 and #2, understand that there are certain things you can expect from your loved one and there are certain things that you can’t expect.
Applying the rules
Seems simple, right? That’s because it is. In case you are still an un-believer, let’s test out those steps on a typical situation in which we just aren’t understanding why our boyfriend isn’t like prince charming:
The “Why is my boyfriend not doing sweet things for me?” situation (This includes sweet notes, flowers, surprise date nights, etc.)
Well, let’s look at #1 of our rules – have you communicated to your boyfriend that you are the “flowers, cards, and candy” type girl? Have you told him that you would love to randomly receive flowers from him every once in awhile? Have you told him that one of the things that brightens your day more than anything is a love note from him? And when I say communication, I mean have you sat down and really told him how much doing these things means to you? If not, then how is he supposed to know? Which brings us to rules #2 and #3 – he can’t read your mind (rule #2!) and if he can’t read your mind and you’ve never told him these things before, then don’t expect (rule #3!) to get flowers, cards, and candy on the regular. I know you are thinking doing this stuff seems like common sense and you feel like you shouldn’t have to tell him this stuff at the beginning, but it just doesn’t work that way.
The same rules apply to other situations as well…
Why is my boyfriend not helping with the household chores? Communicate expectations.
Why is my boyfriend not hanging out with me and my friends more? Communicate expectations. He won’t know how important this is to you if you don’t tell him.
Why did my boyfriend not take me out to dinner on my birthday? This may seem like a no-brainer to some people, but you still have to communicate. You’ll never know if the guy is prince charming if you don’t communicate to him what prince charming is like to you.
Is what you want feasible?
Now, I know there are some of you ladies reading this that are thinking, “Well, I have told him I want flowers, cards, and candy; and I’m still not getting them from him?” Or, “I’m not allowed to expect things of my boyfriend/husband? What is the world coming to?!” So let’s clear up those questions…are you asking for flowers, cards, and candy every week or just occasionally? Because every week isn’t really feasible. Just like asking for a $10,000 engagement ring and knowing your boyfriend only has $7,000 to spend and can’t manage financing options – you know better than to go bankrupt. Don’t be selfish. Okay, so Cinderella got a huge castle when she got married but let’s be honest, is that really feasible for your situation? On the other hand, prince charming showed Cinderella how much he loved her and this is totally feasible and what you are ultimately looking for.
The Ultimate Question – is this really my prince charming or is he still out there?
What do you do if you tell your main squeeze that you’d love to get flowers, cards, or candy just occasionally and it’s been 3 months and you’ve got nothing? What do you do if you’ve told your boyfriend to help pick up things around your mutual apartment and he hasn’t made any effort? Don’t be afraid to tell him again. This isn’t a “Apply rule #1 and then if he doesn’t do it after you’ve told him once, break up with him” situation. It’s a “Make sure that you have done your absolute best in communicating to him the things that make you happy and are important to you and evaluate his actions thereafter” situation. You CAN expect things of your significant other IF you have done your very best to communicate to them what you’d like to expect, and if you haven’t, then you shouldn’t really expect them.
So what do you do if you’ve done your very best to communicate these things to him over the last 8 months and nothing has happened? Reevaluate your relationship. Are the things you are asking from your boyfriend and not getting causing you unhappiness? You deserve to be happy – everyone does. Your prince charming is out there and I know that sounds cliché , but it’s not about finding the guy that does all the things you want him to do right off the bat (that’s the prince charming from the fairy tales), it’s about finding the guy that wants to find a way to do the things that are important to you because he loves you that much and wants to grow with you in a relationship. That’s the prince charming that’s out there for you and isn’t only found in fairy tales. Don’t be afraid to keep searching so you can find your happily ever after. Every girl deserves a prince charming.
Real life princess
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